Lately I've experienced a great deal of mental tossing & turning, much like my sleep-life, unfortunately...
Thinking about the 4 months to come has me giddy, anxious and admittedly terrified (I'd rather keep that one under wraps, but let's just go with honesty for now). I'll be encountering the unknown from the moment I board my flight from DC to London...that airport will be the last scrap of anything familiar to me. And while I feel exhilerated by this thought, I simultaneously want to crawl into my bed with a certain giant stuffed monkey (which I'm not ashamed to admit still plays a large role in my aforementioned sleep-life) and not come out...ever.
Whle this range of emotions is expected and completely understandable, the one thing I'm battling that I genuinely don't want to take up residence in my mind is the inability to live in the present.
Because I'm leaving the country I'm having to make plans for when I return - nothing concrete, but certainly heading in that direction. This is causing me to look forward to December 21st more than I would hope to. My desire to jump to that specific date is not only so I can begin whatever my new life will look like, but also because I know how much transformation will take place while I'm away...I'm anxious to know who the Lord will shape me to be, what He'll do in my heart, etc.
Despite this tendency to look ahead, I'm trying to harness those thoughts and be in the present moment. This has manifested itself in so many ways, some I didn't expect. From simply soaking up these next few weeks with my sweet friends in my beloved Nashville...to trying to no longer dwell on the frustrations of being a 22 year old living my parents' home...to accepting different relationships as they are at present - not in a negative light or even a hopeful light for that matter, but just as they are.
Speaking of hopeful, I'm hopeful that despite my moments of mental time-travel I will be able to just be...to breathe deep, love well, and accept things as they are at this very moment.
As I've said to a couple people who have witnessed this tendency in me - and more importantly, to myself - first things first.
No comments:
Post a Comment